Saturday, 3 August 2024
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Hello. All is well. God is love.

I think I have lived in my head most of my life. Now, I can better sense what my body needs. I feel hunger and thirst more clearly.

A few days ago, after meditating, I heard a frightening growl while walking home. It put me on alert, but there was nothing around me. When I was meditating today, I heard the growl again. I then heard my breathing in a way I had never heard before. Has something in my brain been blocking my perception of my breath, or was it even so that I was breathing differently now?

I had an interesting dream last night. I was a blob inside a head, rising out into a bigger blob of darkness in the sky. It felt freeing, but I'm unsure what to make of it.

I'm still fascinated by how I can be in the present moment without boredom. It's like nothing is going on inside my head. I perceive sensory information at its lowest possible level without triggering any abstraction in my head. I can also think without spiralling. I don't feel that I am in a rush, have to complete, or miss something. I don't feel the need to be productive. I value my energy a lot now. It feels like my actions are more intentional now. I find it more relaxing and pleasant to sit in stillness than something keeping me busy.

It has become apparent that I have been a slave to ideas. My need to make myself useful and help people to justify myself is an idea controlling me. I believe that to reach the highest order of agency, one must be detached from ideas.