Wednesday, 31 July 2024
------------------------

Hello. All is well. God is love.

Terms I want to cover: Acting self, thinking self, spiritual self, self-awareness, attachment, detachment, control, fear, love, uncertainty, certainty, order, chaos.

Note that the terms acting self, thinking self, and spiritual self refer to how they are used in my III model. I realize one may get hung up on the words themselves.

Some people say they gain self-awareness at a certain age. This self-awareness is what I see as the thinking self (possibly). Personally, I don't remember a time when I wasn't self-aware, not because I was self-aware from the start, but because I don't have the memory, at least not consciously. I think I gained self-awareness at an early age, though. As I got older, I increasingly relied on my thinking self.

As I investigate myself, I am increasingly convinced that there genuinely is an intuitive, acting self. This acting self only exists in the present moment. 

Interestingly, I don't think you can let go of your thinking self if you have a spiritual self in fear. I'll explain what I mean by that later.

Your acting self is the most worldly part of you. It's the part most similar to other primates, but it's still different because your other selves influence your acting self. Also, it's more capable in general, but I don't know the specifics. Anyway, this part is intuitive. It's the one that exists in uncertainty. It gains knowledge in the fashion of externalism that we read about in the knowledge book in my 31st writing.

The thinking self learns knowledge more like internalism, which I also wrote about in my 31st writing. So, essentially, this part adds a bit of order to the chaos. If your acting self fails to bring order, your thinking self kicks in more. If you have autism or experience traumatic stuff, your brain will rely on the thinking self more. This is a rough draft. I'll leave all the nuances and how autism and trauma differ unclear for now.

But what if your thinking self has not developed yet or is less capable, and you experience trauma/chaos? I believe narcissism or sociopathy may stem from that. I have no idea. It's a wild speculation. It's not really a point I'm trying to investigate. It is just a thought that came to mind just now.

Anyway, that was how the acting self and the thinking self gain knowledge differently. Now, this is where it gets harder for me to understand things, and that's the spiritual self.

The spiritual self is the part that creates imagination. Some of this imagination is instinctual, but it's not set in stone, hence why stuff like being attracted to the same sex can occur. You have to see that everything is imaginary. What that exactly means, I don't know yet. Anyway, it creates a sense of meaning and is what drives us unconsciously. It guides our acting self and thinking self by applying affect to the senses. 

For example, making sense intellectually is a form of abstract sense. It feels good when you make sense of things. Where does that feeling come from? It's from what I call the spiritual self, which I don't really know what it is, but it is the most powerful part as it ultimately compels your acting and thinking self. 

See, this is where your thinking self gets tricked. It thinks it's in control, but your imaginary or spiritual self guides it. Please don't misinterpret what I'm writing here. I'm still unsure exactly how each part influences each other. This is not a practical statement in the sense that logic doesn't exist. We just have to be aware it's based on imagination. One must realize that everything is imaginary, but some imaginations serve us better in practical life and align more with physical reality. I think the word imagination may cause confusion if one thinks about the word as it's usually used to represent the highest form of abstract imagination, which can be very delusional. As I said in the previous entry, imagination exists on all levels. 

Anyhow, as you can see, we must investigate this imagination part further. I have a lot more to say but I don't want to rush. I also meant to write about my personal experiences as I've been starting to meditate more but hopefully I don't forget it. Okay, bye bye.