Monday, 3 June 2024
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Hello. All is well. God is love.

In the past week, I've been reading my early entries. It's funny how I've gone full circle. It seems that when I started writing I had already in some sense reached the conclusions of today. But I find more confidence in them today I believe.

I still haven't really experienced the severe anxiety I used to on a daily basis. I still have a hard time understanding that. I do think leaving behind my work had a big part in it. You could never really rest. At any given moment, something could go wrong. I would have an alarm a few people could trigger in big emergencies. Being woken up in the middle of the night by an alarm is not a pleasant experience. I think the majority of my time was spent preventing meaningless destruction. And for what? Why did I put myself through that? Who was I serving?

Anyway, I'm back to feeling love. I went off track at some point in my writing. I think it happened slowly by things adding up. I went back to isolation, slowly returning to love. It seems I was close to losing it. I think conceptualizing love as God will help me keep love as an intentional force of agency in my perception.

I see love as the force that brings agency to conscious minds. God is the perfect concept of agency. God is absolute love. God is the force of love in the absolute sense.

Why use the word God? I'd say it's a good word for many reasons. One is that it emphasizes that love is of the highest order for function in your perceptual model of reality. For example, in practice, interpersonally, it increases your moral agency by reducing fear of other people's judgments. Are you accountable to other people, yourself, or God? The simple act of changing your perceptual sense of accountability is radical, especially if you're a highly empathetic person.

Our ability to alter our perception like this is our greatest strength and weakness. This is also why I'm not going into any practical depth of love in action. I don't have the experience for that nor am I interested in that.

Be sure that those with agency through a god will win. If that statement awakens a sense of fear or helplessness, you are stuck in yourself. You are driven by fear and have low reactive agency.

My current conceptualization of god differs from typical religions at the context level. Perhaps for most people, dealing on an absolute level is better, but I'm not sure because it seems not practical when a person has more worldly knowledge, or maybe I'm just autistic.

I see god as an emergent force of minds. This makes good sense when you think about emergent behaviour in complex systems. But it works on an individual level as well. Your mind is a universe in itself.

Lost of intention, in a mind of imitation, I look to God for judgment. God is intentional. God is love.