Saturday, 1 June 2024
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Hello. All is well. God is love.

I'm not kidding. Yesterday, I helped an old lady cross the street. Can it get more cliche?

There's heavy traffic these days. I even had trouble crossing. After crossing myself, as I was walking down the street, I saw an old lady in a wheelchair and a caregiver on the opposite side. She was peaking out between parked cars, looking for an opportunity to cross, but traffic was unforgiving from both directions. I thought that was a tricky situation, but it'll work out eventually. I turned away to another street to where I was heading.

But something made me stop. A feeling. A frustration. Something didn't feel right. I felt an obligation to help. It all happened so fast. There was no time to be analytical. I went back. My memory is blurry, but once traffic cleared for a moment on their side, a row of cars was approaching on my side. With determination, I signalled them to stop, and they did. Slowly, they began to cross the street. The lady smiled and said something I couldn't hear. I lightly smiled back and nodded, to hurriedly look away and get away.

I'm interested in this interaction because I found it telling of how much fear I have in my mind, yet the love I have cultivated so far helped me overcome it in the moment. When I returned home, I felt nervous and uneasy. I decided to sit with it to make sense of why I was in such unrest. I felt a conflict in my mind. A conflict of love and fear.

I was facing many fears. Fear of standing out. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of approval. Fear of disappointing. Fear of rejection. Fear of vulnerability.

I kept questioning myself if I did the right thing. Was I simply seeking attention? Was I just being a nuisance? Who do I think I am? Stop. This isn't about you. A call was made. A call of love.

God manifests in the physical reality through a loving mind.